"Friends Is a word we use everyday,
Most the time we use it in the wrong way.,
Now you can look the word up, again and again,
But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends."
If you know me, you know I absolutely love old school music. This is a song I remember listening and singing along with as a kid both in my house and on the radio. I have been exposed to the good stuff early since my biological father was/is a "DJ" (yes I am serious). So music has been apart of my life all my life. Back then, the lyrics were lost to the catchy chorus, but I never thought anything about the lyrics until I got older. The song asks some thought provoking but REAL questions. The dictionary does have a definition of what a friend is, but we all have our own. (What’s mine?) Glad you asked.
To me, in my very colorful opinion, a friend is someone who can give you both good advice and constructive criticism. It's not always about being the "yes" man/woman, but knowing the person well enough to tell them what they need to hear. I don't believe in dancing around topics or avoiding subjects to keep the lines of communication from shutting down. I think boundaries are important, but walking on eggshells is not the kind I am talking about. I'll give you an example. Real Friends should be able tell one another, "Girl, you're fucking up" and it's received as a cause of concern. Those situational "Friends" will watch you fuck up and either talk about you either with other people who you are "friends" with or watch you fuck up from the sidelines and choose not to speak up to keep the situation light (whatever that means). I find those relationships to be fake, fragile and temporary (and if I’m honest, one sided). If you fall into that second definition, we probably have either parted ways long ago or time/distance did the job. Either one is fine by me😌.
Over the years, I’ve accepted the fact I’m not everyone’s cup of tea; mostly because I call bullshit, bullshit. Even as a kid, especially in my adolescent years , I always end up being a better friend to them than they are to me. This is until I got tired of going along with whatever just to have friends. One day, I said enough of the shit. I was no longer willing to just go with the crowd. If I didn’t like something said (or done) or if I disagreed, I spoke up. In exchange I was the odd ball out. For that reason, my friend circle is super small.
To me, friends should be valued quality over quantity. Others would disagree and argue that all 50+ of their friends are true and genuine. I’ve even had someone describe their definition of friendships as “adding value” to their life and only moves forward with those whose value adds up to be “enough” for them to feel like spending their time and energy cultivating is worth it. I am not even sure what that really means. The shit makes me question and wonder my worth 😂. When I think of word value to mean either a monetary situation or the availability of the possible opportunities. Should friendships be that fluid and disposable?
So...🤔 what kind of friend are you?
Are you the kind who only wants to hear the good and consider the opposite to be negative or pessimistic? Maybe you’re the kind that can only recieve but for whatever reason, can’t seem to reciprocate the same level of support (which can come in various forms, not just money: emotional/mental, support, physical in the event I bust my ass, etc). Perhaps, and this is my absolute favorite 🙄(not), you’re the busy friend who always seems to be unavailable to respond to or even initiate simple communication but seems to find time to make it to events involving others (which involves communication to coordinate). Or of course they want to brag or need you for something. Lol c’mon guys and gals, take the hint. My college days showed me how easy was is to make a “friend” when you’re up and the stars are all aligned. It also showed me how quickly you can find yourself alone when you fall on your ass, deep in the trenches or are truly in need. Here is when you find out who your REAL friends are (from my experience, there’s not many that fall into this category).
After I turned 30, I was on this #nonewfriends vibe because I had grown tired of being the better friend. To this day, I am skeptical of new people and if the vibe ain’t right, it goes no farther than common human decencies.
(‼️True story) I have a friend, who for the life of me, I can’t remember how we even kept in touch all this time (especially since I don’t remember giving them my number to begin with 😆) who has truly shown me what it means to be a friend. Over the years, life has happened to us both but it hadn’t stopped our relationship from growing. They trusts me and values my opinion. I give them the best advice money can buy. We discuss all parts of life, and when they fuck up I tell them (although I find myself fussing at them quite often) but they knows it’s from a place of loyalty and true concern. It’s not always what they want to hear but they NEED to hear it. In return, I know I can trust and call on them if I evreally needed anything. Yes the same applies to my husband, that’s understood. However, I also believe spouses should have other trusty friends outside of the relationship, so this time I’m not talking about him 😉.
Okay, Shana, so what‘s your point? I said all
this to say, when people show you who they really are, believe them. I love the friends that I have where I can be myself, 💯 percent of the time. Life is too short to limit and censor yourself to keep others comfortable. If they’re for you, they will know what you say and sometimes not say all comes from a loving place. Be the kind of friend you would want to have (cliché I know, but true).
I saw and reposted something on my IG today that I plan to adapt, if it (person, place or thing) doesn’t support the life I’m trying to build, it shall be let go.&
Until next week, ✌🏽