Updated: Jul 24
I know yall wondering what the hell is she talmbout now lol! I was going to tell you anyways.
Disclaimer: what I am about to divulge no way was malice nor did it cause neglect in any form (just in case the feds watching 👀)
Picture it, April 8, 1994! My first little person of responsibility was born. Little did I know, at 6, how much involvement I’d have in the life of who, in my ethnic practices, I call my cousin (or as everyone else knows her as a very close friend of the family. Although it didn’t feel like work, since I enjoyed the responsibility, it had indeed triggered my natural maternal instincts. Getting bottles, changing diapers, helping with nap time, and even supervising (for short periods of time, it was the 90s) and I thought nothing of it; it was my normal and I enjoyed it being an only child.
Being an only child creates one of two type of people: selfish and self absorbed or crazy imaginative thinkers. Hear me out, having no siblings, its all about them. Every gift giving/receiving holiday is centered around them, not to mention birthdays. However, after all the guests go home, and it’s just you and all of your toys, it gets real quiet. So, here we go, June 3, 1997, my live in bestie was born.
At the age of 9, I officially became a mother lol (2nd in command if you will). This was a transitional period in my life (with my parentals getting divorced and all) which meant mama worked 2 jobs now. By the age of 12/13, I had it down to a science. We (me and my kid sister) had schedules, routines and understandings that didn’t even involve my mama. So much so, when mama did get a day off, she was impressed (or upset) with how well everything ran in her absence. Mothering was second nature and my little sister was my 2nd child. So naturally, when I graduated high school and went off to college, I didn’t want or plan to have children.
Anyone who met me between 2007-2013 can tell you how anti-kids I was. My ultimate deal breaker while dating was 👏🏽No 👏🏽Kids. If a man mentiond he had a child(ren),
I would finish my drink, ask for the check and promptly delete his contact info as I walked to my car (I was dead serious). Oh, by the way 🙃 Guess what I majored in? Yep, I became a teacher (the dedicated career choice that surrounds me with children all day). How could I have chosen this path and have such a sour taste for them, right? Let me clarify, I like kids, but only the ones I can return to sender at the end of the day. I didn’t want to be bothered with nobody else kids in my personal life. In all transparency, I was terrified of having a baby. That was the most permanent thing as a woman I could do. “Mamas baby, daddy’s maybe” is all I could think about during this time in my life. So I built a cement wall around my uterus and that was that. Until…Dec 30, 2015, my wedding day.
Up until I got married, the thought of me changing my mind about having babies never occurred. When my (now) husband and I were dating, we agreed on the no babies (which made him even more attractive to me then) and it worked, until it didn’t.
After being married for almost 5 years, we welcomed our baby girl, the love of my life. Y’all, when I tell you, I am so in love with this little person. She changed me. So, now I can say mama luh dah kids! Lol
Having my baby, has me swooning over everybody else’s baby. I’ve gotten ridiculous. True story: I’m dropping my baby off at daycare and I spot about 3 of the cutest little people in her class. I don’t just wave and keep going, I’m hugging, HUGGING these strange (germ filled) children. I picked up one because she was crying and upset my own kid😄. It hits so differently now. If I ran into the “before mom” version of me I wouldn’t even recognize myself, but I have zero regrets.
Moral of this long story: change is inevitable but it’s how you change that makes the difference.
Until next time,
Mama is headed back to the trap AKA the classroom, So my post will most likely become bi-weekly (but entertaining nonetheless) instead of every week since my work week will be full.