Updated: Aug 23, 2021
Picture it. It’s Monday night, and I’m watching by favorite ratchet tv show that I usually only watch for pure entertainment. This time I found myself saying “Amen” and in my feelings at the end of the episode. For those who don’t watch LHHATL, there’s 2 women who are expecting babies relatively around the same time & their husbands are both being selfish. One is trying to reboot a 10 year dry spell in his music career and the other throws temper tantrums when he has to be an adult. What I did notice that had me in my feelings, both fathers had the option to retreat to their respective hobbies when shit got hot, while both mothers had to remain in the kitchen. The saying “mama’s baby daddy’s maybe” to me doesn’t necessarily pertain to the paternity, but to whom the responsibilities will always fall on.
I speak generally when I say men so don’t bite my head off, (I know there’s exceptions and outliers who this doesn’t include) but most men don’t have to change much when they have kids. They can chose when they want to host daddy daycare. Most (good) mothers have no choice. From the moment she finds out she‘s with child, her new life begins to morph from the pre-existing one (drinking, smoking, those strong ass prenatal vitamins, monthly doctors visits, multiple rest, etc). After giving birth, she will spend years finding what parts of her life she can rebuild or start a new whole new one, alongside dealing with all that comes with being a good mom (postpartum is real y’all). Not to mention the toll it takes on her body and self image. Then there’s the other side of the coin where some women don’t have this struggle . They are unicorns & for them I am happy (🙄lucky asses).
As for the rest of us master multi-taskers, how do we fix this? (Or is it our issue to fix?) “That’s just the way it is” ain’t never and won’t ever sit right with me! Fuck that! Men should be held just as accountable for doing their part (of course that looks different in every household so do what works for you) but I’m trying to figure out how did this come about? What is the underlying cause? Why is this still an issue in today’s gender fluid, gender equal and non-binary world? Is it cultural? Is it a lack experience? Education? Or interest?
I dont know, but I do know nothing pisses me off more than waking up at 3 am to fix a bottle and my African American husband is catching all the Z’s. I mean a whole damn 8 hours of sleep. That shit boils my grits and it makes me suddenly feel the urge to be petty. So to make myself feel better, slam cabinets and flick on lights on my way in and out the kitchen (judge ya mammy 🤪).
Moral of the story: I think this is a conversation worth having and if he/she doesn’t cooperate, slam cabinets and turn on lights during your next late night feeding/diaper change. 😌 Until next week,