I have never been one to follow trends. I always been into the classics (they never go out of style); clothing, shoes, perfumes, jewelry, hair (especially hair) etc. However, when it comes to my hair, I have been on a journey to find that classic look for me. You name it, I have tried it. Some were a success (but costs too much to maintain) and others were a limited time look. Welp, I have a 🤫 secret. (Whispering) I have been struggling for the last 10.5 years, trying to maintain this "Natural" hair journey and today I QUIT. That's right. I did a thing, I made a decision that I feel at peace with and I feel great. What did you do girl?
I am now a (returning) member of #teamrelaxer. Now, before you judge me, let me tell you the why (not that I have to but I feel like sharing today). I began my natural hair journey back in 2010 as a retaliation. It was terrifying because I was in the "long hair don't care" phase of my life where I didn't feel pretty without at least 16'' of hair sitting on my shoulders. It didn't help that my boyfriend (at the time) had a thing for long hair and on numerous occasions, would compare me to those women who had long hair with very insensitive and self-esteem damaging comments such as, "I love her long hair and when you have your hair like that, when you going to get your hair redone?" Oftentimes, to make him happy, I would go broke (during college) buying hair and bartering to get it sewn in. I did this until I lost who I was without it and no longer recognized myself anymore. Moving forward, we were on the path to a break up and I needed to take my power back. I dont know about yall, but when I feel I have lost control, I need to change something (hair, tattoo, piercing, ect). Several of my friends (also at that time) had gone natural and they encouraged me to join in. I wasn't 100% convinced. I felt a little more comfortable to not be the only one looking like Kizzy (say what you want but that initial big chop phase is hideous). Plus, being at a HBCU and a broke college student, it felt like the best time to experiment. At first, I was using the flat iron daily until that got annoying. Once I discovered I had a curl pattern, I start wearing it in the natural curl (this was before all the 100's of natural hair care lines). I cannot even tell you the amount of money I spent on products (no really, I lost count around 2015, when my hair grew and I needed to start styling it).
As I said before, you name it I tried it: roller sets, twist outs, flat twists, braids, sew ins, wigs, silk press, locs, etc. Here's a fun fact about becoming a mom, your body is not the same after your hormones settle. Everything changes; 👏🏽ev👏🏽ery👏🏽thing! For me, my hair went on the fritz and I lost my edges (that's what we call the hairline for my confused readers). I had locs at the time and I thought I finally found my classic look. NOPE. I told myself, if I had to comb those out (due to looking crazy) and had to go back to combing my hair daily, I was returning to the relaxer version of myself from 2009. Well I am a woman of my word, and as of today at 8:51 central time, I am team straight hair (and before you ask, getting a silk press wasn't an option because it doesn't last long)
"Do YOU boo boo" is something I say sometimes to others, but now I am talking to myself. I went back and forth for weeks debating on whether or not I should do this. Believe it (or not), I felt guilty for abandoning my natural hair and manipulating it to make my life easier. Sadly, I felt part of me was giving away my "pro-black" power because my hair would no longer be kinky-coily. I no longer would be a part of the natural hair conversation. I also thought about how my daughter would look at me while she is growing up in this "natural hair" movement and her mom gets relaxers. With all of these internal struggles, I decided to keep in my braids (my last protective hair style) longer than I should have because I was indecisive. What made me tell myself to "DO YOU BOO BOO" was when I was in tears while looking at this loaf of matted hair on my head and all of the familiar insecurities began to resurface. I didn't feel pretty, confident or attractive. I had to encourage myself to do what was BEST for me to be able to teach my daughter that regardless of how others my wear their hair, your classic look will always be yours and you'll know from the feeling you get after it's all said and done.
Will I miss my curls? Eh, on the good hair days maybe, but as for now, I am at pease and I look forward to starting my healthy straight hair journey (again).
Moral of the story: Despite what others may have to say, "👏🏽DO 👏🏽YOU 👏🏽BOO 👏🏽BOO"
Until Next week,
✌🏽
